i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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