It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
