:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
