Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
