I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
