You made me cry and you don't even care
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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