that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
