therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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