Screwed.edu
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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