i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
