i think my tv is drunk
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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