so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
