i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
