i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
