I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
