Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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