This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
