This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
