it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
