Please, let me fuck your mom
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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