who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
