Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
