its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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