this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
