hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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