How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
