Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
