I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
