dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
