I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
