Are we in a gay sports bar?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
