you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
