I want you more than these girls want KFC
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
