One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
