My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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