Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Randomize
