I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
40s are totally the cure
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
