i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
