I'm eating all of the evidence.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
