the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
