R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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