If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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