I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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