Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i think im in europe. pls send help
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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