p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
