The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
