To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
