look no pants
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
