you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
