what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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