If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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