just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
