so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize