it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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