allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
