duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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