Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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