What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
