No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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