Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
