I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
