Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
