I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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