he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
