I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
