You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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