God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
