Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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