i think my tv is drunk
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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