her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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