But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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