I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
