sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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